Amish Weddings verses American Weddings

     One of my daughters got married 7 months ago and my son is getting married in 5 weeks. As usual, the contrast in US culture verses the Amish culture has made me re-think everything. To know why I've contemplated, let me tell you how most Old Order Amish celebrate their weddings.

     Amish couples are “published” or their engagement is announced in church. There’s no diamond engagement ring or wedding rings at all. Weddings are held on Tuesday and Thursday in early spring, before the planting season or in late fall, after the harvest. The bride will sew a new simple dress using the same pattern she uses to make all her dresses. She does have bridesmaids but they wear their plain clothes at the wedding.  There’s a wedding feast, typically at the brides home or barn, made by Amish relatives, and the couple is set apart in a corner. This corner table is something special to them.  My Amish friend, Noah, told me about his wedding feast with a twinkle in his eyes. I asked why they sat in the corner, and in typical Amish fashion, he looked stumped and said, “It’s the way we’ve always done it.”  But it seems more like a rite of passage, something they’ve looked forward to their whole life. I think it’s charming.

    I look at the Amish and see a common theme; it’s not all about the bride and her making ten-thousand decisions. No one is yelling at her saying “You deserve the best. You only get married once. You’re the princess of the day and you can have what you want.” This constant clamor can make the sweetest bride turn self-centered and perhaps turn into a bridezilla. The Amish bride has few decisions. She doesn’t deal with her gown, fancy bridesmaid’s dresses, flowers, photography, DJ, or musician. It may sound severe, but the Amish I know look forward to weddings for the fun and fellowship and what’s really going on…vows before God. 

     It seems like with both of my kids getting married they start out going nuts about all the decisions, then realize a month or so later it’s about the vows…usually after they’re burnt out and have asked if they can just elope. ;)    

     Today, the average cost of an American wedding is 20K. I told Amish friends about this and they either laughed at the ridiculousness of it or were plain aghast.  They all agree it’s wasteful and foolish. "I can build a barn with that money!" one man said. From their influence, my husband and I give our kids $5.000.00 for their wedding. We give them professional pre-marriage counseling as their wedding gift, and  Dave Ramsey books so they can be debt free. We had lots of pressure to do more as other family and friends have financed their kids weddings on a thirty year payment plan, but being “Almost Amish” has made us stick to what we thinks important, the marriage vows and celebrating with community, plain and simple.  

Blessings,

Karen Anna Vogel

  

The Serenity Prayer used by the Amish

I’m taking my sister-in-law to the hospital today for things she needs to get done for her kidney transplant. I love Suzanne so much and am afraid of losing her. So I say the Serenity Prayer. It’s a longer prayer than people think. The Amish have adopted many prayers and saying they turn into proverbs, whether they’re written by the Amish or not. The Serenity Prayer was written by Pastor Reinhold Niebuhr 1934, during the Great Depression.

This prayer covers all areas of life and has been adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other Twelve Step programs. I'll be using it today...maybe you will too.

 Here’s the whole prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

Blessings to you!

Karen Anna Vogel

Four Amish Children Die in Flood: How the Amish Deal with Grief and Loss.

I was so sad to hear that four Amish children died in a flash flood in Kentucky. It’s hard to imagine the feelings of the parents.  My heart and prayers go out to the Wagler family.

How do Amish cope with grief and loss? My Amish friends tell me friendships get them through. Mourners are not alone. When someone dies, the Amish community makes sure the surviving family has visitors every Saturday or Sunday for the next year. One year! Meals are brought to the family every week for one year! They don’t downplay the feelings of grief. The mourners also wear black for a year, just like people used to do in the 1800’s. How times have changed.

I lost my mom and two cousins over the past two years. It seems like some people think there’s a drive-through grief. Aren’t you over it yet? Actually, Amish friends helped me see it’s something that needs talked about and cried over. Yes, it’s been 2 years since I lost my mom and one cousin and a year since I lost my closest cousin and dear friend, but I still ache. The Amish are always showing me the new normal as our society seems to rush through everything, even grief.

Blessings to you!

Karen Anna Vogel

Homebound because of winter storm...What would the Amish do?

I find myself too afraid to venture out, since this winter storm may be historic. My husband is stuck in Minnesota on a business trip. I wonder what my Amish friends would do because they're homebound too. What do Amish people do to pass the time?

They may be catching up on family time, so maybe they're having a "telling". This is story time, and it can be true or not. It can start with one person and circulate into a round. They may be reading from the Martyr's Mirror, a mammoth book on the persecution of their ancestors. Or, they just might be reading a classic book, written by Jane Austen or Charles Dickens, it depends on if their church district's strictness. My Amish friends are avid readers, and as long as it's clean and good, they read it.

Maybe they're catching up on sewing. How many times have I visited and they're sewing clothes? Maybe working on a quilt to sell at the auction. Maybe making Amish dolls, rag rugs, baskets, or other things to sell in local stores.

They may be playing a games. One favorite is Dutch Blitz, a fast playing card game. Checkers and chess are also popular.

Maybe they're writing. The Amish have a weekly paper called the Die Botschaft. When they showed it to me, I said we had something similar, only on the internet....facebook. The Die Botschaft is like reading a Facebook entry, only most people you don't know, and obviously no pictures of faces. They read it faithfully to see what's happening in new settlements, who may need cheering up with a card, some may tell a need and they may write a check to help in case of an emergency.

One thing I know is that they'd all be in the same main room doing whatever it is they're doing. They only open up the upstairs rooms when it's time for bed. The family believes in being together. You won't find one kid reading a book in his room, another playing with her doll in hers, the mom knitting in another and the father buried in the paper in another. No, they're all together, so no matter what they’re doing, they’re enriching their family, which is most precious to them.

If you live in the USA, all but sunny Florida is in a deep chill of historic proportions. Why not make the most of your time and build family relationships...

Blessings,

Karen Anna Vogel

If you admire deep character and enduring values, live them yourself. (Advice from Amish Cont.)

“How much does if cost of a cord of split wood, Harry?” I asked my paraplegic Amish friend.

“I don’t know. The People fill my woodshed every year, since I can’t split wood,” he said.

Harry story is not uncommon. I’ve seen the effects of the Amish slower paced life; they have time to value what’s really important: faith, family, and friends.

There was a survey done in 2007 to find out who are the happiest people in America. The results showed, to everyone’s surprise, the Amish. I wasn’t surprised though. We all long for strong family ties, life-long friendships and a faith that permeates all we do.

The Amish place such high regard on the family, especially aged parents. They build them smaller houses called a dawdyhaus (grandparent house) and take care of them in their old age. If the aging parent suffers from any impairment, they take care of them in the home. My friend in Smicksburg told me a stoke patient, who was paralyzed, was taken care of around the clock by family.

Friendships in America are at an all-time low. Duke University did a study called, “Social Isolation in America.” It found that people have fewer friends outside of their immediate family, due to long work hours. Internet friendships have also replaced face to face communication, and people are feeling more isolated than ever. The Amish, by contrast know the importance of friendship. When someone dies, they can expect to be visited by friends weekly for a year, until their grief subsides. I find this amazing.

The Amish are a Christian sect, that tries to live out the words of Jesus, especially the Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5-7 It can be broken down into five categories. The first in the Beatitudes, blessings to comfort believers, such as “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy” and “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”  The second category is New Laws, such as going the extra mile and loving your neighbor. The third category is the Lord’s Prayer, or the Our Father, as some people call it. The fourth is about the dangers of the love of money, and the fifth is on warning to be wise verses foolish.

I’m challenged by this in many areas. Turn off Facebook and visit people face to face. Our family has decided to have Sunday dinners again, and I’m reading Matthew 5-7 a lot more, seeing how I can put feet to my faith.

Blessings,

Karen Anna Vogel

If you admire our community spirit, build your own.(Advice from Amish Cont.)

The Amish community is strong, even though they're very busy people working long hours. They incorporate work with fellowship. Work frolics are popular. Work and frolic don't seem to fit together .It's like saying "work festival". But this is how they kill two birds with one stone. They combine work with fun. For example, if a family builds a new house and the inside needs painted, they get together and paint and have fun talking as they work.

Amish barn raisings are the most commonly known work frolic, but there are many others. Canning, quilting, shelling peas....it's endless really. Anything that can be done together to make the burden lighter and to have fun can be made into a frolic.

I visited an Amish friend last week and saw something very unique. A group of ten men were cutting ice blocks from a pond and hauling them to the icehouse on a huge wagon, pulled by draft horses. They paused to talk, laugh and sing. Yes, sing. The Amish sing when they work. When they replaced the roof on our house they were up there singing in German. It was awesome to listen to them.

Besides work frolics, the Amish make holidays. One I'd like to see in the English world is "Sister Day". I have two sisters and our relationships need to be celebrated. We do on birthdays etc., but to have one day a year to really reflect on what sisterhood really means and to plan how to strengthen our ties would be awesome.

The Amish also have two Christmas dates: Dec. 25th and Jan. 6th. Their ancestors celebrated Christmas on January 6th in Germany, so they celebrate it twice. They don't buy expensive presents, but have a feast similar to our Thanksgiving meal.

In our busy world, we could learn from the Amish and either have work frolics or special holidays.. My garden is always too big, so instead of trying to pick all the produce ourselves, we invite family and friends over at harvest time. Something my daughters and I started was 'Girls only Weekend." My husband and son created "Guys only weekend." My sister's having a Christmas party in May! I love it.

The Amish are the considered the happiest people in America. http://nihcl.com/html/tips/2010/July-7.html I believe our fast paced culture has put relationships on the backburner, and people in fellowship takes away the feeling of being alone. If you have an idea for a "work frolic" or "special holiday", I'd love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Karen Anna Vogel

If you admire the simple life, cut back.

"If you admire the simple life, cut back." (Advice from the Amish Expanded) 

The "Small House Movement" amazes me. People are living in not small, but tiny houses, some only 300 square feet. They claim they've never been happier and I believe them. The MacMansions of the 1980's are not in vogue anymore, since people are realizing they were working quite hard for a status symbol, but were slaves to their work. Books like "Not So Big House" and "Not so big Remodeling" by Sarah Susanka  really free up my husband and me when we remodeled our 1897 farmhouse. We could have put on a giant sized addition, but we decided on a modest one. We didn't realize just how "keeping up with the Jones" was ingrained in our thinking.

One of my favorite Amish men, Noah Colbletz from Smicksburg, helped build our addition. One day when I went to pick him up for work, I was quite surprised that he had switched houses with another relative. He said they needed a bigger house, so they switched. Talk about holding all things lightly! So here my husband and I sit with a three bedroom house of medium size, and my daughter and her husband are looking for a house to raise a family. Should we give them our house and build a small in the back of our two acres, like the Amish do? I am always challenged by these people.

My favorite author is Richard J Foster. Here's his thoughts on cutting back in a materialistic society:

"We really must understand that the lust for affluence in contemporary society is psychotic. It is psychotic because it has completely lost touch with reality. We crave things we neither need nor enjoy. 'We buy things we do not want to impress people we do not like.' ...It is time to awaken to the fact that conformity to a sick society is to be sick."  (Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth)

Cutting back can also mean getting rid of things that clutter our time. I think television is a big time stealer along with video games. In this area, we're almost Amish. We like relational activities like playing cards, visiting, board games etc. When I first got to know the Amish, I asked them bluntly, "How do you live without television? I'd die!" Susan Hershberger's face lit up. "Raising white pigeons, bird watching, astronomy, reading, quilting, visiting, sledding...." Her list went on, and I felt sad. She was really living, and I was wasting my life through television. I decided then to cut back. Ten years later, we only use Netflix for movies, and I watch shows online. You can watch most anything live streamed these days, and watch it when you like.

I'm always on a quest to cut back on "trifles" as William Penn called them...things that just take our time and have no meaning.  If you have any ideas or stories of how you've cut back, let me know. God bless! Karen Anna Vogel